i feel horrible enough.my fyp is in a huge mess.i so wanna give it up now.allow myself to do something i;m even more passionate in.give it up once and for all.anyway, for publications, many ugly stuff happened.and the main part is i;m no longer in charge of it--which is also good cozz i;m afraid i;ll make a mess out of it.so now, my priority goes straight to my fyp and consumer lifestyle.but..there aint no motivation man.i try hard to work.but i;m always giving myself countless excuses like--i;ll do it later or later then see how.i know this aint the right attitude to get my stuff done cozz in the end, it;ll never ever be completed.and the thought of interim crit on this wed (2 days away), i really have no idea what i am gonna present.the lecturers keep pushing us.i feel the stress.but..i;m just too unbothered.i try to push myself to do work but every attempt ended up with a nap.and the thing is i keep having these sharp pains in various parts of my head.it just adds on to my frustations.sighs.i am so dead man.everyone around me feels the same too.all in that christmas mood.shopping and getting new clothes.all ready to countdown to the new year, i wanna welcome it with a smile too.but i doubt so.i doubt i;ll ever be happy.who would be?especially when our christmas period will be meant for the starting of work in the workshop.and the coming new year on the 2nd day of the chinese lunar new year we;ll still be busy with school.who would be happy?i wont be.even if you spoil me with lotsa pressies and money.the thought of failing is more like it.i doubt i;ll ever survive thru.i no longer worry i suppose.worrying is useless.giving up..

can i give up? if only i had the courage to...i would

ade:s @ Monday, December 12, 2005