this morning was cold.really cold.a long time since i left home early.when the sun wasnt even awake.the skies were moody, pitched dark.it was exhausting when i only managed to catch 2 hours of sleep.aint sure why i;ve problems sleepin at night.insomnia.it was a really slow morning.everything went past sleepily.while in the train.i was leaning against alicia.i couldnt help it.was really exhausted.usual trips down to the cemetry were always happy.i remembered the last time i made my trip down to the cemetary, there was a hired bus for all.we went together.as a group.but i suppose things will never ever be the same again.

enough said.every trip down to the cemetary feels the same.some traces of grief.a heavy heart.missing.longing.i suppose i really missed him.to see his picture by his tombstone.him, lying a few feet under that heavy hard and cold red marble rectangular box.prayers were uttered.i chose a really pretty bunch of daisies.yellow.orange.pink.really pretty.i wanted to add on a windmill for him but paps said there was no place to stick one in the ground.mayb next year.i;ll place one for him.to accompany him. :-)

tomorrows another monday.monday blues.days are drawing nearer.so are my holidays.they are coming to a bitter end.sighs.i wished i could laze around longer.i know i;ll miss being lazy.i sure hope tomorrow will be a better day.

ade:s @ Sunday, October 23, 2005