its been a long time since i blogged.i think i'm so dead man.really dead.my p3 is goin haywire.went back to xtra dat day to celebrate jo's bday.brought along my drawings for my furniture.erricson told me my design was similar to something in the market.damn..he showed me and yay..mine look similar ah..the concept is about the same ah.wah biang eh..devastated seh.i thought everything is already nicely planned.now this farkin p3 is killing ah.my d.a.p is worst.i seem to be on the right track (i assume) and the bloody thing is sometimes i just don't understatand what vani is trying to tell me.damn lah..i'm always dreamy on mondays and obviously, i'm always drifting whenever i consult vani.and the worst part is i'm suppose to hand in my thesis draft to vani on mon and i'm stuck now!i dont even have a clue how i should start off...i'm so dead man...so dead.i'm super worried for my rhino cad journal...actually i'm damn weak in it man...*sighs..


i'm so dead!i cant even concentrate and remain focus.such a loser i am.and at times, i feel so useless...and dad+mammie is always by the dining table discussing over matters about work and yah, as usual, mammie will consult dad abt work and with dad's hearing problem, he tend to speak louder and *sighs... i cant bloody concentrate on the com.the worst part is they (mammie+dad) help/volunteer to spring clean my room and all my stuff is missing.i get so bloody frustrated!if you think its messy then dont even enter my room!just leave me all alone.let me finish my year 3 and i'll keep my room sparkling clean...and when bro's back, he'll sit by the computer table staring at me and constantly askin, " are you done?i need to use the com." and wad am i suppose to say? i cant seem to do anything right now.nothin.simply nothin.and the solution i think i can stick to is doin work late into the night when everyone is asleep and i hog in front of the com all alone thru the night.complete silence, no distraction.but i find myself yawning after an hour or two...haizzzzz i really dunno how ah..i feel so useless ah..where have my motivation + fighting spirit all gone to? i need help god, i really need help..i need to focus--whether is it in school, at home or in church.i really need to focus man...help my god.pls guide me thru the hazy road ahead...

ade:s @ Sunday, July 24, 2005