i used to think life had the answer to everything but i was wrong.ive never really reflected on life as a great whole unless something happens,a tragedy probably--911 + tsunami.ive always wanted to die.wished i could die.but slowly ive come to realise life's fragility.


no point wishing to die.you would when god decides to take you with him.and honestly,man do cry.its known that man only shed blood and not tears.ive witnessed it.really seen it with my eyes today.they do cry.they are just like you and i.they hide in a corner and weep bitterly.they cry in pain and sorrows.i feel them.i feel them deep in my heart.i feel their sadness.


i think she might not live pass tonight.its rather obvious.the clot in her brain is spreading fast and now affecting her whole brain.the neurosurgeon already said that he wont do the operation now and he has already pronounced her clinically brain-dead.the ICU department are doin their best to keep her heart pumping with all the medication and trying their best to retain her blood pressure,we are all hoping for the best,that a miracle might happen.i dunnoe.i really dunnoe.im just confused.so much has happened.and it has just sent me deep down into great depression.it just brings me down.my whole being just sank.in the midst of struggling with the amount of piling work at work and doing my best to appreciate it and i received my results yesterday.and to get a D+ for my P2 was just devastating enough.and now...with her on the brink of death.what am i supposed to do?shes dying god.she really is battling with her life.shes gonna leave her husband,her 4 kids and 8 grandchildren.


the last time i saw her was a year ago.i didnt know the only "teenage visit" to her place during new year would be my first and last one.she was active.bouncing around, screaming around, smiling and asking me to dig in to more pineapple tarts and new year goodies and then she left home for her usual mahjong session.but now,a few hours ago,she was different.she laid in bed,with numerous tubes inserted into her poor body.she was weak,darn weak.her face was bloated.it was slanted.she had stroke.imagine a strong woman like her.she was stricken with stroke and a dead brain.im just breaking down into tears everytime i think about it.im making a trip down to the hospital tomorrow with my grandma and mama.i dont know what to look forward to.but i will include her in my prayers tonight.dear friends,do join me in saying a silent prayer for my dying grandaunt.thanks.and whatever the result might be tomorrow,i;ll stay strong and will appreciate all your lil prayers.thanks.

ade:s @ Saturday, April 09, 2005