khee huat and eric asked us to consider bout wad we really wanted to do yesterday.--to leave skool and be a designer or to leave skool just for the sake of havin that cert.for my case, i aint sure, really aint sure.one thing i know, i never dreamed of being a product designer.i wanted to be in the business sector where i'm able to do marketing and public relations.design was never one of my options.i ended up in design on my 4th choice.i did sigh at first, uncertain whether i should reject the offer and opt for another course or just live with it.after much considerations, i decided to stay.and now, after 2 yrs in pid, i've to say..its definitely never easy--nobody said it was easy.there were times i wanted to just walk away from it all and hide myself in a hole where i can live everything behind and walk into something or somewhere i'm much happier with.but on the other hand, there are times when i feel proud being a product designer, being the priviledged one to spend my time in the workshop and sketchin and rendering and all.i may not be the best of the best but it somehow made me feel great at times.i'm not talented in sketchin and drawing too but everytime when some ppl might look up to my drawing and say, this is nice.i feel that sense of satisfaction.i know there is still room for improvement and i do know that i will definitely take a long time to reach that stage of being a pro, never neglecting the shit that i'll have to live through, that stress, that sacrifice i've gotta make, that boredom i might put myself into.all in all, it's a matter of the mind--my mental state of mind.

i wished life was a little simpler.where i'll do something easier and really enjoy it.but like wad mama says..if life was simpler and all, you'll get bored of it.cozz it's too smooth-sailing.

i am worried.rather worried.in a weeks time or so, i'm goin to X-TRA to do my s.i.p.i'm a lil uncertain.afraid that i might not be able to contribute to the company.that i'm just a mere nobody that XTRA will only regret hiring.like wad *ade always reminds herself, you'll never noe wads in store for me and i wouldn't know if i didn't try.i will try my best, with an open-heart to make space for that room for learning and critism.i wanna do well.i should stop being jack.dun wish to be a jack of all trades.i wanna do well in something--i hope will be essential for me.i dun neccessarily be somebody.i just want respect--its dat simple.

ade:s @ Saturday, March 19, 2005