everytime i'm caught up with my projects, i get into a quarrel. a serious quarrel with whom? mum, yes, MY MUM...
sometimes i really dun get wads up her mind.
i didn't laze around...i work and i work hard.
i go thru shit and she nv noes it and she assumes i'm enjoying myself.every nite when i do stuff til the wee hours, she assumes i'm chatting on msn, surfing some yahoo games site and playin thru the whole nite til i'm all exhausted den turn in to bed..
never does she realise that her poor daughter is working. working hard and struggling for survival so dat she never retains...so dat you need not waste so much money on her education.
will she noe that, never, she never understands..

at the end of the semester when i get desperate and strives even harder, trying my best to fight against my exhaustion, panicky nerves and stress, she thinks i deserve them cozzz i've never been keeping up with my work..everytime i try to explain...she would juzz put on a deaf ear...
i know, she's my mum and she deserves respect.and yes, i respect and still love her but please...please listen.please see the pain that i'm goin thru.let me talk.let me explain.let me clarify..

do u wish to only know all my reasons on the very day when i've committed suicide and confirmed dead?will you be only satisfied then?if you want it dat way...den wait on..it might happen one day when i'm really mad...really out of my mind.i'll jump, hear me, i'll jump with my pup.leave tis whole farked up world.

i hate me.i hate life...
just dun talk to me, i need peace
dun irritate me cozzz you'll only make me hate you
and i mean it..i'll hate u~ for as long as u live, i'll hate..
dun piss me off..juzzz shut up
stop thinking, assuming and think you are always darn right-juzzz hear me out..

**i feel better now...feel much better now~ :)

ade:s @ Friday, March 04, 2005