went for the yr 3's exhibition yesterday. Amazed is what i can say. The models, the sketches, the concepts. I really am not sure. Will i be that good when it's my turn to graduate? I dun know, i really don't. I wish i'll be. i wish i'll be even better. Should i push myself to the max? I know from deep within i have the capability but it's juz that i'm lazy. No motivation for me to work towards. Juz some wandering soul. I gotta do something bout my life. What i'm gonna do, i'm not sure. But i gotta do something soon. I dun wan to be a lazy fool all my life.

Was in deep thoughts yesterday thus, dat explains why i didn't blog. Today's the 11th of May, THE LAST DAy 4 the Exhibition. Uncle asked me yesterday. Do u want to come with me for the exhibition again? I was like caught in a dilemma. I dun noe, i realli dun. One thing i noe..i miz him. Really miz him. It's HORRIBLE~ Imagine..he's not even in Europe and i'm already missing him. SUXXxx..

Anyway..he'd be goin to Europe in 3 days time. Yes, 3 days time. That'll be in 72 hours time. Haizz...juz dun wanna tink too much bout it but i can't help it each time. I should take it as a blessing. That he'll be goin to Europe. So i can like do my stuff for that moment and have less time to think. Hopefully, i'd be able to sleep every night. Sleep peacefully. Without having to think...

I guess it's time to get myself all busy again. Better start with my 50 sketches b4 i become a kan chiong spider again. Skool is starting on the 21st of June, according to wad Sarah told me yesterday. Excited but overpowered by fear and anxiety. Like wad Uncle said yesterday..It made me reflect a little. We're considered the smallest batch next sem. Dun expect any time to lag coz there wun be any time to do so. Lecturers might pin their hopes on us..Higher Expectations. Driven to the max. Completely lost in the arty world. No more time to stop and think..Just GO GO GO..Scared lah~ But i tink i'll be fine if i juz keep up with everything that i'm given and of course..the thot of havin Sarah and Shan by my side..I think i'll be able to make it thru..I think onli..Juz hope my mama and papa will be there to encourage me and not there to reprimand me. I need all the support and understanding from them. I hope they'll understand if i gotta stay up late. Gotta stay over @ my fren's place if there was a need to.

**Determined to say Goodbye..Trying my best..-GOODBYE---

ade:s @ Wednesday, May 12, 2004