Let's see..went to Mini Toon's BBQ yesterday. Quite a few ppl turned up. Was ok i muz say. Jing Ying offered mi a glass of Tiger Beer. Dunno y but i instantly refused. Wads wrong wif mi? Tis is da second time i've rejected an alcohol offer. I guess i didn't like it..Didn't like the taste of dat damn tink tho i've nv tried it b4. I'm still wondering whether my mama will b proud of mi ant...Hmm..i muz say i'm a good gurl yah?

Went to the Esplanade today. Went there to catch my bro's band performance. I muz say they are beginning to suck. Not onli were they not together, the trumpet section was rather weak. Tuba was fine. Saxaphone sect was horrible, squrk all the way. Piccolo was weak, so soft, Euphonium Sect was quite ok and as for the percussion, it was fine tho it could have been better. Can actually tell that they didn't realli practise. I guess it's time i go for band practices too. Beginning to feel that i need some space for myself rather den always being occupied by other stuff. It's time i play my Euphonium again, attend my sec skool's practices, play my heart out with lots of feelins and emotions. That solo part from "Colors of the Wind" the hard to catch running notes from "Antares" da solo from "Mid-West Jubilee" and the high high notes from "Song & Dance"..i suddenly miss BAND. I MISS LOOKIN @ THE SCORES, MIZ THAT HIGH HIGH SATISFYING FEELIN.

Besides that, i guess it's time i save myself. Away wif the crash diets. I think it's time for mi to exercise and eat properly. I'm gonna make time for myself. I wanna get away wif all the other stuff. Juz wanna push myself into MY WORLD and away from other distractions. I need to runaway from reality for now. I wanna be happy again, truly happy and be myself, my very own-self. It's up to me now and i believe i can get thru tis for now.

Took a cab home juz now. While in the cab, travellin, i was @ peace. Mama and Papa was all quiet while Gold 90 FM was playin in the background. The air-con was blowing gently against my face. I'm amazed by wad god has done. How my complicated life was so...precious and dear. The thought of travellin to nowhere made me feel so secured. While i looked out of the window, countless images and events flashed pass before me--i was on everyone of them, the lead role i muz say...it's time i do a reflection on my life. Find out wads realli bothering my inner self and wads stoppin me from doin things that will make me real happy.

I am blessed in my own way and nobody can take that away from me. I shall be happy, happy with wad i'm blest with...I lurve me, for now, i realli have to lurve me, myself.

**Thanx Sarah and Shan. Thanx for being there for me when i needed u peeps. I realli appreciate u ppl. W/o da both of u..i've completely no idea where i'd be now. Thanx for standing by me.U 2 are like the savior in my life. I thot i've lost confidence in searchin for a real fren dat would stand by me in times of desperate need after dat incident. Both of u gave me hope. All in all, words can never express how much i am thankful to u 2. It's something felt by the heart, deeply felt. thanx~

ade:s @ Sunday, May 09, 2004