WELL WELL WELL..today's a Sat..Went to skool. Feelin all dead. Tons of wk still left uncomplete wonder whether i'll be able to survive tis week. TOOPID hp is givin mi problems. Sim card went berserk. Hang whenever i wanna go thru the phone bk or read my messages. Everything jammed up. DAMN! Even my skool work--it's all jammed in a corner.

*STUCK..*LOST..*EMPTY..*PETRIFIED..*UNKNOWN..*NO SENSE OF BELONGING..*COLD..*LONELY--SIMPLY SICK OF LIFE~

Wanna look ahead.
Wanna lie to myself.
Wanna tell myself everything will be alright.
Wanna hide in a corner, away from the harsh reality.
Wanna feel safe.
Wanna live my life as I want it to be.
Wanna be confident in everything I do.
Wanna be determine, to persue and solve any obstacles that I face in life.
Wanna be happy, truly happy.
Wanna be pampered.
Wanna be loved.
Wanna get all the attention I desire.
Wanna be what I was born to be.
Wanna achieve the very best for myself.
Wanna make my mommy and daddy proud of me.
Wanna set a good example.
Wanna be a good sis, fren and companion.
Wanna live in a world of happiness, stars and laughter.
Wanna be able to enjoy and lead a meaningful life.
Wanna own everything beautiful in the world.
Wanna be able to do myself proud.
Wanna be able to feel carefree.
Wanna feel secured.

*Wanna..wanna..wanna truly noe wad I wan in life. There’s something missing in my life. I haf no idea wad it is. I think I dun realli noe wad happiness is. Dun noe wad life is. Wads the lesson to learn. Should I live the way I am now or…should I persist and fight on in the battlefield? I’m afraid to lose but there ain’t much chance or surviving too. It’s either I fight on for survival or lose it all out. LOST..FEELIN ALL LOST~ I need a STAR—A brite glittery clear shining star to lead me out of all these misery. Does it actually exist? I’m not sure. For now, I’m still in doubt and I am waiting patiently for that STAR~..




ade:s @ Saturday, April 10, 2004