*C O M P L E X I T Y is the word. *L O S T is wad it meant. U N A B L E-2-A C C C E P T-R E A L I T Y~

Many stuff has happened recently, not all are pleasant. Da hols have arrived. Still feel kinda stressed up now. Not for any other reasons but mainly coz i feel i haven't put in my 100% to get my stuff done. I guess i'm gonna take lotsa subs for next sem. Hate it but i'll have to live wif it~ SUCKY.. i've begin to slack tremendously. For wad reason, i'm not sure. All dat i know is i should not blame da FAST sYSTEM THO I FEEL DAT IT'S A PILE OF SHITTY, NO LOGIC, NONSENSICAL PIECE OF CRAP~ I onli haf myself to blame.

Prob coz of my inner self? Unable to accept where i am now? On the verge of giving up? Unsure..Uncertain..Lost. Da lecturers are all beginning to encourage us to change course. Should i? Should i not? I'm not sure. At times i juz wished that i could close my eyes and da pain and suffering will all vanish. I know, things ain't easy..This is part of growing up and w/o pain, i'll not gain. I have to endure. Seriously speaking, i luv wad i'm doin now, as in i do love goin to da workshop tho it can b considered as a torture @ times. I juz love it when i get to see my final piece. Da amt of sweat, blood, effort, pain i put in..juz wanna make mi smile all day.

I love myself. I realli do. I noe @ tis point, u'll tink i'm nuts. I guess i realli am. I juz love me for me. I like it when i yak non-stop, love it when i go wild. Love it when my sporty half appears. All in all, i do hate myself too. I hate my... Dunno y..but i tink i suck~ Hate my character too. Dunno y the hell i get jealous so easily, so impatient, so lethargic @ times and so on so forth.

Gotta buck up next sem. If not i dun tink i'll ever stay in pid til yr 3~


++I gotta be honest, I think you know, we're covered in lies and that's ok. There's somewhere beyond this, I know, I hope I can find the words to say.
Never again, No, Never again.
You're a god, and I am not, and I just want that you would know,
You're a god, and I am not, and I just want to let you go.






ade:s @ Sunday, April 25, 2004