[ PeRsOn@L LiFe ] --- Kinda confused now, dunno wad the hell i should do. Sweetie or Sebas? Still caught in a dilemma.

Sweetie changed alot. Dunno why he's all like dat now. Everything all leave it to the last moment, super EGOISTIC, so impatient now, everytime oso YAH YAH. I tink the more i know him better, the more i begin to see all his horrible flaws. I noe, not every man is flawless, but wad he's doin/behaving, i realli can't accept dat. He seems to be a complete stranger to me now. I hate tis feelin but there is completely nothin i can do about it~ I can't like go straight up to him and spit it all out on his face rite? I tink most prob he will juz slap me and walk away. If i were to simply say i no longer haf feelins for him, i tink i'm classified as a liar. WHY? Yes, i still like him to a certain extent and i dun tink i should deny dat fact.

As for Sebas, he juz appeared out of no where and there, i see all the positive stuff bout him. The first ever guy (besides Keith) who really speaks out straight from his heart. Someone who really mean wad he meant. Whatever he says actually comes out right, the only guy that will make me feel better even if my day was all dull and grey. Dat kind of emotional support--He's real great, not onli as a fren, but oso as a partner. Find him real nice, as in super duper great. But, between as, that particular spark has yet to appear.

*I dun wanna force myself to do any decisions juz becoz "i THINK" it's a wise choice. I wanna be able to be happy, i dun wanna regret. I dun wanna go thru my past all over again. I absolutely wanna be HAPPY now, i dun wish to be left all heart-broken and regretful or neither do i wanna continue breakin other ppl's hearts. I HATE and DESPISE wad i haf done in da past but i noe there is no turning back and regretting now. Coz wad is done, is done. So for now, i've decided-- I'm livin my life as it is now, i TOTALLY FEEL dat i dun haf the confidence and courage for any relationships. (i noe it's stupid and i noe it's a matter of time in which i haf to get over tis kind of feeling. But when the time is right, I HOPE....I'LL KNOW~)

ade:s @ Saturday, March 06, 2004