Ok here i am..once again..Here to write my blog. I'm realli in SHIT now~ Have no idea where to start & wad to do~ SUXXxx...i not onli feel like sum lost sheep or some "kan chiong spider" but a small weakling seedling. BLOODY WEAK and HELPLESS. Feel like i'm given so much sunlight and no water. Completely no water @ all...All left in da bright sunny killing sun. Whether i'll survive? Whether i'll die? I dunno. HOW? HOW? HOW? S.O.S! I need water! BRING ME DAT HOSE!!! AARRGGGHHHhh..

Damn freakin frustrated wif myself. Have no idea it's coz i'm under so much stress or whether i juz suck. Prob i'm not up to it. Prob i realli sucked in everytink i do. Prob i was brought up as a loser. A PURE LOSER~ Prob i'll nv haf a comfy life in future. Prob i'll nv ever earn a million bucks in my whole entire shitty sucky life. Prob i'll nv ever be successful. Prob i'll juz be like tis for the rest of my life. Prob tis is how my life is. Prob...Prob..Prob...I DUNNOE LAH~ DAMN IT~ FUCK sia-- SUXXxxx lah.

I juz can't wait for the hols. My mind is like THERE and in reality, left in all these SHIT. I wanna go KTV! I wanna sing my lungs out, wanna sing til i haf no more voice. I wanna go shopping, i wanna sleep, i wanna stare up @ da blue cloudless sky all day, i wanna play wif my doggie, i wanna go swimmin wif my Daddy, i wanna go cycling wif my mommy, i wanna irritate my brother, i wanna meet Sherwin for a movie! I wanna catch up with Keith and haf lotsa fun and heart-to-heart chats wif him coz i've been neglecting him ever since the start of tis semester! Sorry Keith~ Forgive me k? *P L E A S E? I WAN I WAN I WAN! I wan the hols! PLEASE COME BACK! I need a break!!!! A LONG LONG WEEK.

Damn exhausted now. My old symtom is back. My backbone hurts again. Tis time worst, my shoulders are aching too. Feel like my arms are gonna fall apart anytime. Just a matter of time if my life continues like dat. Da sockets are almost dislocated. Just a hard "thump" on my shoulder and "TAA DAA" NO MORE ARMS. Feel like i can die anytime now. With unaccomplished targets. Die with regrets--die as a failure, die as a genuine loser, juz sum ordinary BITCH~ I think if i ever fall, i wun ever tink of gettin up coz i'm realli realli tired and for once, juz gimme a break. I NEED MY LIFE BACK! sob sob...How i wished...haizz..no use wishing coz my dreams are never fulfilled. No point hoping too coz everytink is well-planned by the almighty up above. No point stayin where i am now. No point grumbling and making hell of a noise when all i should do is pull myself together and start workin. Work real hard. So my mommy and daddy will be proud of me, so dat i can be a role model to my brother, coz he'll always choose to follow my footsteps. I wan the best for him cozz he is one of mommy's greatest worries. I dun wan him to be a lost sheep, i dun wan him to fall into the wrong hands..I juz wanna be there for him--I wanna guide and protect him for as long as i can.

*Give me that strength and motivation to carry on..I noe u are watchin me from up above. U're gone for more than 10 years. But memories of u are still embedded deep in my mind, heart and souL. U are the greatest. U noe dat dun u? I love u, and i'll tell my kids in future bout how wonderful u are~*

ade:s @ Tuesday, March 23, 2004