Feel kinda lost right now. Lost in my own mind. Dunnoe how i should go about solving tis pathetic problem, dat has been lingering in my mind. I think prob i was not meant for DESIGN. Prob i'm slackin too much. Prob my heart is still with HOSPITALITY. I think i'm not putting in my best in everything i do. Certainly not putting in enough effort for my work. Always using stress and insufficient sleep as an excuse. I gotta change. Tis time, i gotta really really realize i'm in DESIGN SKOOL and i should do my best in it.

For now, my mind thinks dat--YEAH~DESIGN is da rite course for mi. But deep down, my heart still longs desperately for hospitality. I'm still pondering over why i wasn't chosen for hospitality. Was it because i talked too much? Was it because of my grades? Was it because of me? Was i that bad? I'm still heart-broken though it's been close to a year since i've received their rejection letter. Mummy told me it ain't my fault. Daddy told me it was their loss. Bro told me it was not meant to be. Me? I tink i sux..SUX as in REALLI SUX! Can't even get simple tinks done properly.

I gotta buck up. Though for now, i may seem to be like wasting 3 yrs, i wanna make full use of it. I wanna learn more stuff. I wanna learn to express myself freely. I wanna change and improve ppl's lives. I wanna see their smiley faces coz i wanna feel dat kind of satisfaction. I wanna be HAPPY, mentally, coz a smile from another person gives me dat motivation to keep goin and nv wanna think of givin up. I dun wanna be all grumpy and proud. I just wanna live my life like anyone else, any TOM, DICK or HARRY. I wanna feel a sense of pure accomplishment.

As for hospitality, i noe and i ain't gonna give u up. Just wait for mi. I'll come to u~ IT'S A PROMISE...

ade:s @ Sunday, March 07, 2004